Monthly Archives: April 2012

Spiders make Unfriendly Door Men!

So after a hard days work, I decide to treat myself to a well deserved pizza for dinner. All the way home all I could smell was this yummy four seasons! I park, grab my pizza and head for the front door. In the semi darkness of night, as I open the trellidor, I’m sure I spot something. Stepping towards the door, what do I see? Not 1 but 2 freaking huge rain spiders, one which even looked me straight in the eyes! I swear I saw his pupils dilate! My mouth opened and I did that internal silent gargling intake of air and retreated backwards to the garage. Now, imagine my disappointment as I realise I am not going to get to eat my hot and tasty pizza as I can’t bring myself to walk past the critters on my right to unlock the front door as, unashamedly I’m not afraid to admit, I am absolutely terrified of these particular species of spiders. 8cm’s people, that is a big spider!

I start to sweat like a mexican drug lord with interpol on his tail. My hubby is away and usually he will remove said critters But he is not home and now, thanks to Murphy, there is an extra one camping at my front door!

I can’t pluck up the courage to try remove them with the broom. Dashing out to look at them and then dashing back again about several times, I just can’t bring myself to even attempt to get rid of them.

I call my lovely friendly neighbours 2 doors down to ask for assistance, but they don’t pick up. I now deliberate for 20 minutes on what to do, call my sister who is in absolute hysterics and continue to sweat further more. Natasha phones back and I explain the situation, her hubby is not home either but she will see if she can get rid of them. I go camp out at her house to keep an ear out for her sleeping son.

5 minutes later she comes back, they won’t move! She goes back, now with broom in hand instead of the long feather duster. I continue to feel like a chop! Natasha, bless her soul, is 5 months pregnant! I sent a pregnant woman to take care of my problem! WUS of the year award to me, real master card moment!
A moment later I get a message from her stating that Gertrude, the female security guard on duty is taking care of them! A sigh of relief is expelled from my body.

Nearly an hour later, A thousand thank you’s later and a good giggle, I go back home to fetch my now cold pizza and settle down to watching survivor. How poetic! I now have my sister in stitches after using some choice words she has never heard come out my mouth, a few other friends enquiring on the pic and status I put on BBM but the best was Kim who said he is sure they have made babies! I used to like him…

Removal of these pests usually results in hubby using his trusty glass dish and throwing them over the neighbours wall, because they irritate us and they deserve them and me cowering like a wus as far away as possible!

For the past 2 seasons, these stupid spiders have had a nest the size of a flipping tennis ball in our garden. They usually come into the lounge and sometimes sit outside the front door. Always one every now and then but not tonight, tonight especially for me there are 2! Despite my fear, I have never killed them, they have always been re homed by my spider removal specialist.

I have this to say…. This is MY turf you vermin, you have the whole garden to chill in but noooo, you wanna come into my space and scare the living daylights out of me! Tomorrow, that nest is going down. DOWN biatch, I’m getting a flame thrower and I’m gonna torch that puppy!

4 seasons pizza R60, asking you pregnant neighbour and lady security guard to deal with your un welcomed guests because you’re a wus…priceless!


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